


Unwavering

by impure-kink (SugarBubbles2000)



Series: Omo no Exorcist [3]
Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Accidental wetting, Canon Compliant, Cause I talk alot about something important that is shown to the readers about Shima, Comfort, Desperation, Don't read if you haven't read after the Impure King arc, For the most part, Holding Hands, I add in quite a few headcanons, I'm Bad At Tagging, Lots of it, M/M, Male Desperation, Manga Spoilers, Mentions of young love, More plot than omorashi tbh, Omorashi, Plot, Previous love confessions, Those of you who have read it know what I'm talking about, Very light comfort though, Wetting, more plot than kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-11-28 16:46:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11422065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SugarBubbles2000/pseuds/impure-kink
Summary: In all retrospect, Shima felt somewhat glad to have the chance to actually speak one-to-one with Suguro. It had felt like absolutely ages since he had a decent conversation with Suguro - outside of the Exwire squad, that is.He missed that. He missedBon.If Suguro still wasn't so goddamnmadat Shima, he would have felt the exact same.He had spent his entire life - all sixteen years of it - with the middle son of the Shimas, and of course, with the only son of the Miwas, and to suddenly be ripped away from him definitely hurt so much more than he showed on the surface.One-shot, set after the Illuminati arc. Rin and Koneko notice that things are still tense between Shima and Suguro - long after everyone's accepted Shima's new occupation. On their day off, they send the two to spend a day talking things through. Not as much talking through ensues.Spoilers for the manga! I suggest reading this after reading all current updates of the manga, unless you don't mind being spoiled. It's your choice.And omorashi warnings too; you may be uncomfortable if you're not aware of what omo is. I suggest not reading unless you're okay with it.





	Unwavering

**Author's Note:**

> If you wanted a specific point in the manga, this takes place after Suguro begins mentoring under Lewin.  
> Enjoy!

It was no inordinary day. They were just hanging out, you know? Just two guys spending time with each other on their school day off like any other teenage boys would, after sitting in class, day by day, the stress gradually building up.

 _Ha_ , couldn't fool anyone. This _reeked_ intensely of stipulation and no matter how hard the both of them sugar-coated it - quite literally - with casual window-shopping and sitting in cafés enjoying sweet food and soft soda drinks, they couldn't push off the inescapable. They were solely here for one purpose.

This purpose may have been simple by how Rin had put it: _"Just spend a day together and talk things out! I can see how you two have so much you want to say to each other - so why not tomorrow? You're both off, right?",_ but it wasn't an easy one.

The purpose of this _simple day in town_ wasn't being fulfilled as Rin and Koneko would have hoped so - and if Koneko was here right now and had spoken up, he would have said that this whole day was almost pointless.

Talking things out just _wasn't_ something Suguro and Shima did - they never did. If they were by themselves, talking to other people, other kids, they'd have absolutely no problem being truthful and wouldn't hold back. However, if it was just the two of them and they had to speak to each other, then that just wouldn't happen. Rin, of course, didn't know this and urged them forward, leaving them no choice but to comply.

And this is how they got to where they were now: The pink-haired layabout walking behind the blonde-streaked prodigy on the pavement of an empty street, the sun settling down indicating almost the end of day and that they ought to start getting back to campus.

 

In all retrospect, Shima felt somewhat glad to have the chance to actually speak one-to-one with Suguro - or 'Bon'  as everyone back at the Myou Dha called the boy. It had felt like absolutely ages since he had a decent conversation with Suguro - outside of the Exwire squad, that is.

He missed that. He missed _Bon_.

If Suguro still wasn't so goddamn **mad** at Shima, he would have felt the exact same.

He had spent his entire life - all sixteen years of it - with the middle son of the Shimas, and of course, with the only son of the Miwas, and to suddenly be ripped away from him definitely hurt so much more than he showed on the surface.

  
Actually, let's take back one of the earlier statements. This trip wasn't _exactly_ the most unproductive of all. They had spoken about a couple of issues; namely Shima's feelings on his future in exorcism education, what Meister he actually wanted to do, now that he was no longer becoming an Aria, and the question of Shima's double life as a spy and a student. And whatever other tricks he had up his sleeve. There was also the subject of Lewin, Suguro's new mentor, that Suguro explained more about and why he so adamant about mentoring under his wing. A few good pending issues that had somewhat been covered. But there was still so much strain and Shima thought he knew the root cause of that.

They distracted the tension multiple times of the day with buying and consuming a lot more food and drinks than they usually would, especially Suguro - he never ate so unhealthily. He himself had noticed and Shima caught him muttering _I'll burn it off eventually..._ at one point during the day.

Shima would have been mildly concerned if he wasn't so focused on his current predicament.

Through guzzling many drinks - and that coffee - he'd forgotten the diuretic effects of doing so and was beginning to feel his carelessness - quite suddenly- in his lower abdomen.

They were in the middle of - god knows where, _where in the hell actually are we?_ \- so he didn't speak up.

The k'rik owner abruptly stopped walking, feeling a sudden twinge, and he quickly crossed his legs in an effort to stop the threatening flow until the feeling subsided. Suguro kept walking, albeit a little slower when hearing the other's converses skid against the ground. He didn't need to turn around or ask Shima the question; living with the guy for so long enabled him to memorise his mannerisms under every single situation - right up to the **exact** movements and noises Shima made when he became desperate for the bathroom.

He would have called Shima childish but, since he was in the exact same predicament, he wasn't one to talk.

He quietly thanked Shima's periodical stopping; it also gave him a moment to thread his hand into jacket pocket and give himself a pinch to alleviate some of the pressure. _This is stupid..._ Why couldn't they have just dealt with this like normal people and simply find a restroom and relieve themselves? Why couldn't they take a more mature approach and not refuse to accept they required to perform a basic human function? - unless, the more adult way to approaching this was holding it in until they were at a suitable place and not disrupt the current state of affairs for something that wasn't important.

No, they certainly weren't doing that and it leaned far into the former. They were just being stubborn about it.

  
Suguro briefly wondered if his holding was still apparent, even if it was disguised. He was sure that, had Shima been more alert, he would have immediately recognised his movements, but said boy was far too engrossed in his own problem to care about Suguro's, he surmised.

 _That goddamn coffee..._ The both of them unknowingly grumbled to themselves.

They both couldn't be more grateful that the other wasn't talking so they could focus more on making sure they weren't going to have an accident like an infant, in public - and right in front of the other, no less.

They figured they'll continue to hold on for a bit longer - that is, until their body began to literally beg for release.

 

* * *

 

They quickly found that they weren't going to be able to hold on for much longer at this rate.

Shima had enough of keeping silent and was the first to speak up.

"D-dude... Ah-" he winced, another wave hitting him. "Can we stop at a bathroom?"

"About time you spoke up."

 _Tch_. Of course he already knew, _of course_. They guy was far too observant, even with his back to him. Times like this made Shima wonder if the saying 'Having eyes at the back of your head' was more than a myth. In Suguro's case, it wasn't true; he'd threaded his fingers through Suguro's hair quite a few times when he was younger, feeling for any bulges on his skull. To no success. Either way, there was no point in trying to hide his desperation; Suguro knew him far too well.

"You do too." Shima retorted.

Suguro turned around to the other behind him, genuinely surprised that Shima had enough brainpower to notice.

"I saw you squirm a little when I stopped walking." A scornful tone underlaid in Shima's words.

Suguro _hated_ that word and he slightly grimaced when Shima said it. It was just a highly uncomfortable word, goodness knows why he thought so, but it made him flinch everytime he heard it.

Somehow, Shima had already known that. _When have we ever used that word before?_

"Let's go find a restroom." Suguro eventually said, grabbing Shima's arm and pressing forward.

This was the first contact they had in a long time - shame it was so late in the day, though. It very nearly made Shima lose control right there and then, but his other hand squeezed himself strong enough to prevent that.

"Don't touch me so quickly, Bon..." he whined. "I almost-"

"I know. Apologies, Shima." With that, Suguro let go of his arm.

There was something about the way Suguro said Shima's name there, like it was unfamiliar and he had enforced it on himself to remember his correct address.

Suguro was always so cold to Shima. It really wasn't because he hated him - it was the polar opposite. Suguro deeply cared for Shima ever so much. He'd never actively voice that out though, for fear of leaning too uncomfortably far on the homosexual side.

He had cared about Shima for a very long time.

Shima felt the exact same. But the difference was is that Shima expressed that so much more. Of course, it was never a "Bon, I love you, so don't do this or that!". His way was different. He found him more often than not, and even more often in recent years, physically restraining Suguro from letting his anger get the better of him. A very good example of what this meant was both Shima and Koneko holding Suguro back from jumping into personality clashes - quite literal ones- with the blue-haired half-demon in the middle of class. A hand was very often placed on Suguro's tense shoulder, along with a "Bon, calm down!" once Suguro's voice began to rise more than what was deemed to be his normal temper. And, in a way, this is how Shima showed his affection - stopping Suguro from going haywire over an innocent victim.

The only affection Suguro had shown Shima after he revealed himself to be a spy was the sudden, forceful drag to his chest, mumbling "I thought you left for real..." before remembering that he was mad at him, and thus proceeding to head-butt him. And that was a while ago. Since then, Shima was sure - almost absolutely sure - that whatever familial love Suguro had once had, completely dissipated into thin air and it was ever so apparent by the lack of familiarity Suguro showed in these instances.

If Suguro could have heard Shima's thought, he would have snorted at the complete irony.

Because he felt it was actually Shima who was no longer the familiar one.

Shima's revelation was, of course, a huge turning point in this world of Exorcism they had delved themselves so willingly into. There was the obvious reason why: Shima was now both on their side - the good side, fighting against demons - and the third side, that was neither the good nor the bad, but an entirely new one. Or not so new, as the squad found out. There was also the question of secrecy and privacy; Shima was not only reporting to the Illuminati, but he was also reporting to Mephisto, who could be considered a fourth side to this.

The only reason why Suguro, despite having spoken so much over the day, was still mad was because Shima changed drastically because of this.

Only Suguro and Koneko would have noticed the sheer _amount_ he had transformed. Nobody else.

The boy he grew up with, spent every single day with from kindergarten to teenagehood with - and at one point wholly considered to take their relationship into a romantic one - was now barely a recognisable person. His pink-bleached hair and composed, soothing voice no longer could convince him that this was the same boy who had agreed to dye his hair the same day he did, a way of proving their motivation to becoming an exorcist. Well, Suguro knew that Shima no longer really cared about being an exorcist in the first place and all the work up till now was in vain. _Why did he even bother coming to the cram school classes, anyway?_

He glanced at Shima, who was now actively whining and had both of his hands buried around his crotch. There was nothing now that struck him as familiar sight - absolutely nothing. He had changed beyond comprehension, and though he was getting closer to leaning the ~~bullshitless~~  raw, **true** Shima, he was so stubborn in believing Shima was still there. To him now, he just looked like an impersonator - worse than the one Rin had did the other day in an attempt to cheer everyone up about the news.

Through some thought, Shima came to learn that this was why Suguro never once gave him a look of familiarity ever since. And to be honest, he didn't know how or what he should do to make him believe that he was still ~~his~~ THE Renzou Shima - that he was still that care-free, unintelligent, unmotivated, good-for-nothing, absolute _nuisance_ that he knew Suguro, somewhere deep in there, still cared for and loved like he had always done. He just had to bring that out - somehow.

Suguro must have spent a little too much of his brain overthinking, because a few small spurts escaped him and dampened a small patch of his underclothes before he could realise it.  
"Fuck..." he groaned, gripping himself a little tighter, almost doubled over.

Shima, next to him, winded his legs together, bouncing a little on the spot.

"We need to find a bathroom. NOW." Shima whimpered, after a few seconds.

As if on queue, Suguro began to sped-walk - if he could call his stiff, robotic pacing that, Shima at his heel.

 

* * *

 

A few minutes after, and Shima eventually begin to slow down and focus on something in the distance.

"Shima, we need to go-"

"No, wait! There's a building over there!" Shima cried, grabbing Suguro's jacket shoulder. He felt the other flinch under his hand and, deciding that _he probably shouldn't have done that,_ he immediately released his grasp and pointed with a shaky finger to said building.

Suguro's ears pricked up and he lifted his head, looking in the direction of his finger.

_Thank **G** **od.**_

They weren't even supposed to believe in God, but in this moment, they both dearly did.

They hobbled over, hands now gripping themselves for dear life with the feeling of close relief pushing down on their abdomens far too greatly.

They walked round the bricked small building until they came across two sets of doors - one labelled 'male' and 'female'. It seemed the 'non-existent' Gods had heard their prayers and provided them with their wishes.

"Oh my god, thank God-" Shima began to natter, swinging the male door open and peering his head round before he froze.

"What." Suguro huffed, shifting a little on the spot as they stopped their momentum.

"It's just one cubicle..."

  
Weight dropped like a sack of sandbags in their stomach. It seemed they celebrated a little too early.

_Oh, it just **had** to have only one. Thank you,  really!_

They whipped their head and stared at each other, the question of "Who's gonna go first?" imprinted onto their foreheads.

"...Please? Can I go first?" Shima couldn't fathom the idea of waiting a minute longer.

"Fine. Please make it quick." Suguro leaned against the wall, sucking in a breath.

Shima didn't waste a moment, calling out "Okay! I'll be _really_ fast!" before slamming the door and almost tripping over while the clanking of his belt being unbuckled resonating in the small room.

_Just a minute more..._

Suguro regretted letting Shima go first; he completely forgot just how disturbingly _loud_ Shima was with everything he did in the bathroom until he heard full-force hissing and abhorrent moans of relief on the other side.

 _Seriously, fuck you Shima._ At this point, it felt like the other was blatantly teasing him, that he was allowed to relieve first while Suguro suffered out here, hearing every splash, hiss and gasp through the appallingly thin walls.

 

All the while, it took him a few seconds for his brain to register that he was already going just as strongly into his clothes.

In complete panic, he shoved both of his hands down, clamping his thighs as tight as he could in an attempt to stop the flow.

Why was he even bothering? He knew that one can't stop going once they started. Trust him when he said he'd _tried,_ once. It was far too painful to do so and made a mental note to never try that again.

...On the other hand, he could have held on for a few moments, walked - or rather, waddled - himself to one of the trees and piss the rest of it there, but he could.

And probably wouldn't have had the strength to.

_You know what? Fuck it._

With that, he spread his legs apart, pushing his full weight against the wall and relaxed.

 

And **oh boy** was the feeling so pleasant and euphoric.

He released his grip, sliding his shaky fingers down his thighs and rested them near his knees. Underneath his fingertips, he could feel the pressure of the warm streams pulsing down in his jeans, soaking the inner sides of them entirely, right down to the cuffs and his socks, too. There was also an awful lot of splashing on the floor below him but he didn't have the space to analyse how it escaped out of his clothes and onto the ground.

He leaned his head back, releasing the- what would be almost sexual moans had Suguro cared enough - but he didn't. He let the sounds out at the sheer feel of relief of emptying the liquid that had began to hurt to hold in.

And once he had finished, he let out the final shuddering breath. _**So** good._

He lingered himself on the feeling of an blissfully empty bladder and the complete relaxation of all the abdominal muscles that had tense and tucked into themselves for _hours_ on end - that, until he heard the faucet turned off and the squeak of Shima's converse.

Suguro snapped out of his trance and looked down at his obvious sodden from top downwards jeans, ripping his jacket off in an attempt to cover the embarrassing mess on him.

He was mid-way of tying the arm sleeves over his waist when the door flung open.

"Bon! I'm done! You can go-"

 _For what purpose?_ There was nothing left in him to excrete.

"Let's just go, Shima." He muttered, turning on his heel to leave. Some part of him hoped Shima would understand what happened and they'd never speak about this ever again. _How does one forget a memory on demand..?_

A small splash was heard under Suguro's foot as he walked away and Shima looked down to see a large puddle where Suguro once was standing in, a few drips escaping from under Suguro's jacket. A slight stench resonated in his nose, confirming it.

_...I wasn't fast enough._

On absolute impulse, Shima reached out and grabbed Suguro's clean hand.

 

Suguro would have, and was about to, yank his hand away from Shima's - for the simple reasons of being too gay and to reject any kind of comfort, but he stilled when Shima began curling his still dripping fingers into his and stroking his thumb in slow motions over the back of Suguro's hand.

His entire form froze and his breath hitched.

He recognised the touch.

_Oh fuck._

_The **touch**._

That hesitant yet ever so comforting touch he felt time and time again in their pubescent years that conveyed the meaningful words "Everything will be okay."

The same touch when Shima would find a spider by his bedside and had scampered into Suguro's arms, trembling and his face tear-streaked. The same touch when Suguro first overheard the comments of outsiders spreading rumours about the temple being cursed from the events of what was labelled 'The Blue Night' and cried ceaselessly an entire night.

And the same touch when Suguro wet himself after holding for too long while the three hid away from the Myou Dha arguing over something they were too young to comprehend, let alone understand. All they knew is that the fighting was too intense and they couldn't stand to hear their parents shouting for hours on end.

In those instances, it was either one of them who held the shaking hands in their collected ones, rubbing their fingers reassuringly and comforted them until they stopped trembling or crying.

  
And it was oh, so _incredibly_ identical to how he remembered it.

 

It then hit Suguro so suddenly.

That single action confirmed that the Shima he knew and loved was still there all the same.

Suguro was awfully wrong to think that the familiar Shima was gone.  Because Shima was still _there,_ within that body he labelled as an impersonator.

And it took him until he had pissed himself like a little child and for Shima to hold his hand - like last time - for him to realise.

 

Shima was about to let go when Suguro squeezed the paler hand so harshly it almost made him yelp in pain.

Suguro wanted to push away the comfort but he found himself instead leaning into the touch - like his life depended on it. 

They adjusted their hands until their fingers slid in between the gaps of the other - and they intertwined them in each other.

There was only one time Suguro could recall them doing this.

Shima had done the exact same thing after they confessed their feelings for one another. However so many years ago.

  
Back in middle school, Suguro's parents had soon found out about his attraction to Shima and his father had smacked him, against Torako's wishes. He was rebuked sternly that there was no possibility that the monk in-line could marry a man. Tatsuma didn't exactly hold homophobic views but he knew that it would be deemed unlawful - especially to the older generation - for Suguro to be with Shima and the temple not being verbally attacked more than it had already been. And Tatsuma, though he showed a lack of interest in the rumours, wouldn't want Suguro (and Shima, for that matter) to live through that turmoil. He wanted Suguro's ruling, so to say, to be smoother than his was, and marrying a woman would help make it a better experience.

Shima's parents never said much, dubbing it as Shima 'just exploring' and 'Leave him time, he'll figure out what interests him'. When getting a whiff of it, Kinzou approached Shima and told him he'll be ridiculed for the rest of his life if he continued being gay.

 

_"We can find a way to be together! Bon, I love you too much to end things now!"_

_"We can't Shima." Suguro gritted his teeth, fighting back tears. "I love you too, but it's not possible for us to be together or even marry."_

_"No, Bon!"_

_Suguro began to turn away from the young boy, his eyes stinging._

_Shima grabbed his hand and intertwined his fingers into Suguro's, stopping him from sauntering off. "Please..."_

_Suguro faced Shima, pained expressions on both of their faces._

_He shook his head, squeezing his interlocked hand and drew the other close to him._  
_"It's for the best."_

_And for hours on end, they sobbed into each other's shoulders until they began to accept the reality and never once spoke about it again._

They slowly pushed away their feelings, still exchanging fawning looks when the other wasn't looking. But they vowed they would stab themselves if they ever tried to reach out to each other again.

Suguro then began his training as a way of ensuring he won't have the time for love and loneliness - until he found a suitable wife. Shima committed to a life of being straight from then on, not wanting to go through the heart wrench for another guy ever again.  
  
The memories flashed in front of him and Suguro gasped, eyes widening.

He blinked a few times and found his eyes became wet remembering the pain. He looked up from their connected hands, up Shima's outstretched arm and met the shorter's hesitant, lip biting expression. But there was something else riddled there too.

_Yearning._

And Suguro realised the other too, had the same memory playing in his mind.

As they stared into each other, unable to break eye contact for a second, the emotions wavering in their eyes communicated one thing.

_After all this time, the feelings were still there._

Their hearts throbbed the same, if not more, as they had all those years ago.

**Author's Note:**

> After reading sauntering_down's RinHaru fic 'nor any drop to drink' (found here http://archiveofourown.org/works/1005802/chapters/1993465), I really wanted to write my own omorashi that had incorporated a great deal of plot in, which is why I wrote this.
> 
> Surprisingly, I actually don't ship these two too much. I think it's the whole - not technically but sort of- implied incestual undertones, since I'm pretty sure Suguro sees Shima like a brother. BUT, I love the idea that maybe when they were younger, they were kinda in love (if 12 year olds can actually be in love) and, even after all these years, they find out that the feelings are still there. (Sorry if the confession scene was a little OOC. ^^')
> 
> Correct me if I am wrong, but we never actually see Shima and Suguro talking things through in the manga after Shima's revelation which got me thinking. And, seeing as Suguro was the most affected by this, they really ought to, I think. ;n;  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this!


End file.
